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A Valentine's Day You'll Actually Love

Written By: Romany Reagan on Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Finding the sweet spot between Greeting-Card Yuck and being a Negative Nancy.

Shnookums. Fuzzybug. Lovemuffin -- don't you just LOVE Valentine's Day? Seems like everyone is either being annoying or being annoyed on this sticky sweetest of holidays. You can always be tragically hip and shun the whole debacle all together, but being a scrooge is the lazyman's pathway to cool. There are a lot of ways to actually have a good time this Thursday you know, no matter what your Attachedness Factor. The key is to be a little original to avoid the hordes. Hey, you get back alley enough you might even forget everyone's out in force for the Day of Luuuuv. Here are some ideas kids!

Attachedness Factor Level 1:
You've been flirty and on a few dates, but their middle name is still a mystery.

You're in the bubble stage where pretty much anything you do will be exciting, so go play with some bark together and don't bother reading this article. However if you feel the need to impress your new sweetie (and you better, because when they snap out of it and realize you never do your dishes and have an ugly cat you better have banked some awesome memories to cancel that out) then read on.

To avoid the crowds, don't do the Dinner And A Movie thing. Find a cool coffee shop, bar or gallery venue that does screenings. It's usually much cheaper ($5 compared to The Man's $12.50) plus you'll see something off beat and pre-screened for awesomeness. Try the bar Barbés in Brooklyn (376 9th St. in Park Slope) or google similar events in your area. After your groovy movie experience talk about it over some late night Mexican food. You're in a new relationship. Linen-topped tables put pressure on; chow on super-stuffed burritos and let your film analysis be pretentious.

Attachedness Factor Level 2:
You're together, it's official. You're comfortable with each other but not bored with each other. (And everyone is jealous of you.)

You don't have to worry about keeping it too light, you're committed, so feel comfortable getting mushy. It's sometimes nice to give in to the cheese and say, "Hey, now it's my turn to be THAT couple." I say go for it. A romantic dinner at a precious restaurant gives you that fix -- just keep it off-beat to avoid waiting at the bar for 2 hours for your table only to get a harried server who kills your love buzz. You know that Vietnamese-Southern Comfort Food fusion B.Y.O.B restaurant you've been thinking of trying? Tonight's the night to bust that out.

BONUS: To mitigate the mushiness of your cuddle-meal, try lightening it up with a fake tattoo of your lover's name to freak them out. Get an Olde English stencil and stencil their name backwards with a Sharpie on the shiny side of a piece of wax paper. Put the paper, name side down on your area of choice, moisten the back with water until the Sharpie ink transfers and gently peel off and pat dry being careful not to smear. This looks SO real. Tee hee.

Attachedness Factor Level 3:
You're attached -- nay, entwined. You live together or perhaps are married.

So the gig's up. They know all about the dishes and your ugly cat. Chances are those are their dishes and you've long since forgotten exactly whose ugly cat that is anyway, so what's the point in all this V-Day bull, right? WRONG.

This is great, because you are in the stage when you can really sneak up on your partner and impress the hell out of them. You feel they know you so well, there's little chance for mystery and romance. You know what makes a good horror movie? Something completely familiar with a twist. Nothing is more jarring than something you thought you knew so well, suddenly not what you thought. That has the power to shock more than some new convoluted terror invented on Planet X, those plots don't hit home. Now I know you're looking in incite more lust than fear (I assume), but the phenomenon works both ways. Do something you've never done before. If you've never worn a latex garter, rock that puppy with accompanying choreography. If you live in latex garters, put on sweats and rent videos. Go to a do-it-yourself recording studio and record a CD of you crooning to your lover. Whatever you've always wanted to do, but maybe never got around to sharing, now's the time to follow through. I truly believe you can live with another human being for 80 years and still find something unexpected one morning. This is because people are not static, they keep evolving. They are not a puzzle to be solved and returned to Barnes & Noble, they are an ever-undulating Rubik's cube never to be taken for granted. Don't get bored with your lover or allow them to get bored with you. You're interesting. In fact, you're down right weird. Go meditate on yourself for awhile and you'll pull something fun and funky out of your hat. Showing them another side of you is the best gift your lover could hope for.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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  Be the first to comment on this article


ikigai108
Bernville, PA
Posted on 2/18/08

I enjoyed a nice bordeaux this valentine's. It was a bit closed, but enjoyable anyway.


apples7
Santa Barbra, CA
Posted on 2/15/08

Unfortunately a single mans VDay for me, but next year! so in that case I am rating low out of spite.


phantomoftheoffice
,
Posted on 2/15/08

Thanks for the v-day tips. How about some wine pairings to go along with those plans?

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