Wedding Blitz
Written By: Romany Reagan on Fri, Jun 13th 2008
It's wedding season, and rather like hunting season, there are rules and gear involved. First there is the emotional excitement and/or turmoil that friends' weddings cause, then there's the logistical turmoil of travel to said wedding, presents for said wedding, who to bring to said wedding and what to WEAR to said wedding. The pressure is tense and the stakes are high -- and summer's just begun. "Why can't more people get married in the winter?" you ask, "Why this boot-camp pile up of other people's expectations every June?" It's enough to make you cuddle up in the fridge with some pinot grigio and forget the whole thing until scarf weather. But like any battle, a strategic plan can bring you out on top. Being very thankful that my best friend got married in February (oh, don't hate me) I can calmly observe from the watchtower the situation at large and help you navigate possible sink holes. Sink Hole #1: Who to bring. This vastly depends on whether this is a close friend, a vague acquaintance or an Ex. If it's a close friend, you will probably have many other friends also attending, so no need to bring a guest. If you have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, or (gasp!) a spouse of your own -- then of course they're more than welcome and even expected, but if you're in a tumultuous relationship or a brand new one, leave them at home. This is your friend's day, you should be focused on them and not fighting or making out with your date in the corner. For a vague acquaintance, you would probably feel more comfortable bringing someone so you're not marooned by the carrots -- that is unless you've got Wedding Crashers confidence, in which case you could use this as a great opportunity to pick up a new date. NEVER GO STAG TO AN EX'S WEDDING. There is no one on this planet who would interpret this any other way than, "I miss you, my life has no meaning with out you, I'm pathetic." Good lord no. Bring someone, RENT someone -- but stag? Oy. I shudder. Sink Hole #2: What to wear. All these summer weddings require less forgiving clothing. Much like graduations, you'll most likely be outside, then most likely dancing, so wear linen, cotton, breathable fabrics! You don't want to have your sweaty, hot countenance forever frozen on someone's mantel for generations to come. That's another horror of weddings, the pictures are major pressure. Luckily, there is usually an asinine amount of notice for these events, so go to the gym, live on salad and you should be fine. Don't wear white, naturally, unless you're a gay man... or hate the bride, in which case, you could feel a little joy at her pain, as wedding dresses seem to only come polyester. Sink Hole #3: The naughty wedding buffet. As I advised in Bubbly & the Beach, you can enjoy your champagne without battling the zipper. The great ol' standby is great because it works: eat before you go. I know, I know, the crab poufs and filet mignon sliders are what you really want, but a well-place spinach salad before hand assures you have one of each -- not seven. You have to have a slice of the cake, it's rather blasphemy if you don't. However this shouldn't be a problem, as since there are so many guests, the slice they give you is truly portion-size, not home-alone-watching-Goonies-size. Summer weddings also usually feature fresher fare; fresh cut fruits, melons and salads should give you plenty of "good girl/boy" points to hit the open bar. Which brings me to my conclusion on Summer Wedding Blitz 2008: no matter who's getting married, no matter how awkward your date and/or carrot-hugging situation, even if for some reason you've thrown caution to the wind and worn polyester -- there is one glorious universal truth you can look forward to: all the free champagne you desire.
